Mjcharlotte's Journals

my profile of last year, yeah i changed it and wanted to keep the old one here :)

hey hi, my name is charlotte
am currently 21 yrs yng
it feels so young and far too old
am doing my last year in graphic design and i hate college
i have kinda big plans for the rest of the year
am like most and probably all of you
i have highs and lows, and at time this rollercaoster named life gets me nauseous
but am alive and get deal with it
doing graphic design make me become a perfectionnist and i hate this
i fuckin weird and am ok with that
i think everyone is fuckin weird
i found catharsis in pretty much everything i touch,
i love creating
my dancing is funny to do and weird to watch
am probably my biggest hater so dont waste your time hating me and in case you are wandering i think it is my parents my biggest lovers
am no poser, or faker, my name is real and life is too
i wont make up internet likesay stories to feel - be - breathe - look interestin
i no people pleaser
i wont wanna succeed in life
i want to succeed my life

My Interests

green tea, creating, gossiping (busy ppl living through other), friends, learning clouds names and forgetting them, being at the beach, sleeping damned yeah sleeping! though i cant sleep often coz of uni and some sleep disorder, living, trying to stop myself from overanalysing things thoughts words and ppl, black nail varnish, travelling, laughters, loads indeed!

Books

every paulo coelho, irvine welsh, the great gatsby, musso, euh should i list them all ? there are damned lot!! and much more i searching !

martyrdom dot com

so it is kind of 10 pm here and i am burning out!
too much of work - no rest - no sleep - and i am feeling left out, as if the world was speeding and that i was stopped
today was a bad day, i couldnot rub off sleep from my eyes, came back home slept 3 hours and still time left me again and sleep just keep hanging down my eyes,
i peeped into buzznet twice and decided to write this off as it will - i am sure it will prevent me from sleeping - yeah vicious circle
right now i should be in the middle of my tv ad production - but the premiere cd is not read - again it is slowing me
i wish that i could stay home to do those stupid and so heavy assignments, but i can't i would also prefer to study for some big and frightening stuff exam whatever instead of
i am tired and fed up
plain simple
i am tired
please little santa help me !

As promised my comic

experience, bloody knees and shelter

all the small things
smiles, laughters, glances and cries, even surprises
do they really count? do we really take lessons from our mistakes commonly named experience? i was told that there is no such experience as those during which we were hurt, so is that it? do we remember those hurtful memories more than true and rare moments of pure what the name again, oh yeah happiness?
is it a natural mechanism of our brain to protect us? or just our SM nature?
i am 21 yrs old and this year has only 4 months to go to stay alive and bring us all the best of itself, and it is only now that i notice how ephemeral those days,weeks, months, years are,
i have a life to construct and feel pretty much small in this world, and i am trying to take those lessons from my experience, all the hard times, cries and doubled faces yet the only thing i am achieving is protecting myself and this can't be done without NOT giving anything of me to other,
i am noticing that i have less empathy and compassion
thus i feel alone but is it not the natural results of protecting ourselves?
not letting anyone come close enough to see what we look like without our masks
and we stay there
mask and i
i and mask
consquently i think that i should take back all those bad habits of mine, to go towards people, give and somtimes let them take without asking - and not even expecting some gratitude
yet perhaps the only output would be lonely and the feeling of being used and abused
indeed things are so imperfect as much as people
therefore situation just varies
and i decided to my "ex" friends and face the truth that they are everything that no perfect and accept that i should not expect them to react like me
and feeling flooded back in
feeling of being alive
even if loneliness is still there
i know now
we are all alone in this world yet lesser than our heart thinks
ox

am running late to[day/night] again

it is quite official now i really dont have friends, they are same people with whom i used to hang with, yet there is more flaws than qualities more, embarassing phrases, avoiding glances and silences
i thought i had found friends for life but they are not even friends for years and maybe not even a semester
did i make an effort?
everyday
yet it is not enough
the sentence fell yesterday as i reproposed that we go to this concert and one of them just looked up at me with his 21 years old face and said if his parents would accept such!
now it just make me laugh
better off alone? no but if i have any choice?
well i am not complaining
i think that i am taking this old habit of mine to make journal because i have to take things out and make them flat as i used to do EVERYDAY at the beginning of the year on my myspace
oh well we have to organise that showcase - damned and sordid showcase and we have to do a fundraising for that we are doing a concert with local groups and i have to look for them
i am trying to have :
crossbreed supersoul
kelp
drift
negro pou la vi
monaster
evoloziq
i'll be honest i never listen to 3/4 of those bands yet i am finding live music interesting, and i am making an effort to get their music
hooded eyes heavy soul raging insomnia and aching legs (thats coz of jogging though) i need to do some assignment now
11weeks to go
i cant afford the truth, 4 months and this year expires

8 facts

1) Only list 8 facts.
2) You must then list 8 TAGS at the end of the post. This means you must name 8 people on Buzznet who now must do the same blog.
3) Go comment on their profile and tell them to come read yours! I want participation.

1) i took kind of an eternity to decide myself whether i wanted to do this or not, and decided not to do it, well fact one i am always doing something i usually should NOT do, like now i should have been doing some assignment on typography

2) to support my number1; i believe that we never grow up we stay that little child we have been and we all still are - yeah we learn the sense of sacrifice and responsibility but we are still children, more fragile more broken but still a child and yeah since childhood i have been doing what i should NOT! lol like climbing in my parents' dressing to find christmas gifts!!

3) i befriended, dated, even been aquaintance of many people but i stayed a loner, to my great despair in fact i dont have this sincere and true friend that everyone seems to have and this sucks and for guys after kind of 3yrs of relationship before getting dumped with this lame sentence on his lips - i dont love u - i am cautious with guy who say "i love you" too fast and particularly of those saying it easily they'll all end up "dontlovingyou!" and i have this bitter conviction that i'll never find someone for me

4) i totally agree with steinbeck as he said that we have songs in our head for each situation and it is true plus i have to be surrounded by music all the time, while taking my shower, before sleeping, as i wake up, in bus, walking

5) i have hell afraid of life itself, as am finishing with college and i have to face this uncertain future and i hell dont wanna live by rota of sleep and work, and be in this gearing as am afraid it'll suck the humanity off me!

6) talking about job - i would love and dream to do a job related with music, drawing and writing, well it is my [dream] to become writer and director for anime kind of miyazaki and i had a "friend" that wanted too and we started some projects and i was so confident and as usual he let me down and i am here with this dream in hand and now that i am the only one believing in it, it seems so much like a chimerical stupidity, [and i really dont wanna work in an advertising agency .........this really sucks!]

7) sometimes, in fact all the time i feel this disconnected with this world maybe i belong to a past century or maybe it is because i have a short attention span

8) the last one gonna be for oliver - he is a guy doing kind of similar ba and we talk a couple of time and i thought we would talk more than like of 5 mins but no!

so i'll tag breesays as am curiuos of what would her 8 facts be then sycodragon, seb, cinn, madisonthing, rooobert, djscribbles, pompasaurus

does all break up lead to break down?

So it is Friday, yes thanks God its friday!! Tomorrow weekend, sleep in late, shoppings, cakes, and getting lazy around the house! Ok i can't complain much as i didnt come to the agency for two days, and indeed slept in late and got lazy around the house, as there is far too much rain to wander.
I should really not complain, the agency is cool, a villa near the mountains, with a pool, sunshine blah blah
Yet am not writing about that, todat let complain about my friends, i have two very close friends, mika and jp, well i never got along with girls, and i went in an only girl catholic school, so i met mika and jp at uni, we became friends since the very first year, mika the very first sem. They have always been there for me. But lately things are turning sour,
first my oh so longterm bf broke up and i went through a very dangerous pass and they stick along with me, and mika and i was talking about making an anime and to find a studio to produce it, we wanted to do the next FMA, and after the break up it became my reason to forwards, to look at the future, and during the sem we are hell busy as we all do graphic design but we planned to work on it during the holidays, and the holidays came and mika didnot wanna work on it and told me that i was pushing and forcing him so since i broke up any parternship for future plan about anime, he even went to talk to jp behind my back and called me bossy, since i dont want to even hear from him
well for jp, it is more complicated, it was the last week of the sem, i was having some hard times because of some fucking lecturers and my sis just went to oz for her studies and was really low, and jp wanted to go to the movies to see spiderman3 with "his" friends and didnot care if i could come or not and told me that he should have the right to have "his" friends while i was excusing myself for taking things badly as i already had much on my plate, so he didnot understand what i was saying
as usual jp talks and never listen
so here i am
jp sulked for kind of 2 weeks and talk to me on and off and on again - since we had to go to uni to check our results
and i avoid mika so far
and i know it annoys my mom that am so lonely, and she even quarreled with me and finally understood my point
better be off alone than having bad company?
well the holidays will reach an end in one week and there'll be revelations and confrontations

zzzzzzzzzzz

thats official am boreddddd
it is 13.02 here
and am at office since 8hr
and did nothing except surfing on the net
and i've researched search everything possible am bored!!!
sunday i went to the movies and watche TMNT, well half half, they killed shredder!! well i like the plot but far too much attention to the bad ones!! yeah we saw the TMNT get in the fight at the end only!!! booooo
im bored!

my review of spiderman 3

hi
so as usual am doing something i should not do, right now am at office, in a design and advertising agency, in which a panic is ruling as a client is already there while the work is still not proof printed out, but am not concerned,
internship!!
well it doesnot suck as much as i thought
going to a private university is really no fun, mine at least is no fun, it pretty much sucks there's not a day passing by without my family and i feeling as if we were being stolen,
during the past weeks, they gave me an internship in one of the most trouble area of the island; full of durg addict, and the church was even raided, what i didnot know that this service that i am paying oh so much, is in fact a totalitarian regime where i didnot have the choice, one of my so called lecturer insulted me, told that he didnot care about me, that he fucked off my parents, that i was doing a lifetime error, that he would not recommended me to agencies and after all this lack of respect during which i managed to stay calm (thinking of bunnies) he told me that i should not speak to him like that as he was the lecturer!
wow
indeed
but lets fuck off this so called man who is in fact more than shit than anything other thing
lets talk about spiderman 3
yeah this movie, i really thought that 3 vilain, 2 love interest was boom! fabulous, how would the most nevrotic and self doubting superhero would deal?!?
the great number of melee in the air, was indeed admirable, in fact i really love the first half of the movie, the opening not so much, it was a cheap yet useful summary only, whereas i heart how the plot juggle with the vilain, how the bitterness of brock start and grow, how harry has literally a double personality,how the humanity of sandman was depicted
i also enjoy the black and white of parker, his life shifts from one to the other as fast as mine! lol ok things i didnot like was pretty much this equation
peter parker + the symbiote = eyeliner + emo hair = peter WENTZ clone?!?!?!
and yeah the symbiote feed parker of aggressiveness amd power but arrongance??!?!
plus i understand that all the power of the symbiote was not shown and was simply depicted as a "costume"
yeah venom is of equal force of spidey and full of a lack (yeah intended oxymoron ) of humanity he wont associate to sand man
ok green goblin and spidery hand in hand?!?!?! O_o
this was far too much that my poor heart could resist
good movie well weaved, nice plot
but made for general publie
spidey diehards STAY AWAY!!!
6/10 - spiderman 3
i really expected more

World Premier!

shit it bugged am writing it over !!
so please assist the world premier of my telenovela Mi Corazon Taurus and be the witness of how a boring trip to grandma's become what i guess is interesting!!
comments and buzzes are welcome!!
it was fun to do !!

Mjcharlotte's Journals

my profile of last year, yeah i changed it and wanted to keep the old one here :)

My Interests

Music

Movies

Television

Books

martyrdom dot com

As promised my comic

experience, bloody knees and shelter

am running late to[day/night] again

8 facts

8 facts

does all break up lead to break down?

zzzzzzzzzzz

my review of spiderman 3

World Premier!